Pregnancy Update

OK, I know it has been some time since Press Release 1 and I have had so many people clamoring for another one (actually, the only people bugging me for more news about the baby was my cousin that works in Nicaragua, who is starved for any news from the U.S. and some guy in prison who posed as a girl on an Internet dating service that I wrote to 10 years ago), that I knew I had to send out an update.

First off, Erika and I are having a boy! I can almost hear the disbelief of most of you who were absolutely convinced that the Universe would punish me for my past indiscretions and would give me a baby  girl to worry about for the next 40 years. Well, shame on you for thinking such evil thoughts. For some reason, we thought we were going to have a girl and I was getting excited about that possibility, because face it, little girls are cute and total nut-jobs! Who else would pair red boots with a pink tutu and a beret just to go downstairs for breakfast (full disclosure here, I did dress like that once, but it was for Halloween)?

A boy! Wow! Very cool. I can’t wait to show him his first worm, build a fort with him in the backyard with 2 chairs and a blanket, teach him to ride a bike without training wheels, throw a football with him and most importantly,  teach him the difference between Van Halen with David Lee Roth and Van Halen with Sammy Hager (“Son, it’s like the difference between filet mignon and Spam”).

After many nights of screaming, crying, temper tantrums and lying comatose in a fetal position for hours on end (all by me while Erika sat and laughed), we have come up with a name……Alexander or Alex for short. I wanted the name to be Adolf and Erika was pushing for Mortimer, so I think we came up with a decent compromise. Erika is due on September 14^th and some ne’er-do-well at a party last week warned us that we could not have Alex on September 11^th, as it would be bad luck. I told the fool that I am not worried about that and if Erika did indeed go into labor on that day, well Duct Tape has a thousand and one uses.

We have been getting the house ready for baby Alex (baby gates for the stairs, painting the nursery area, installing electric wire on Daddy’s liquor cabinet) and just biding our time until the big day….the start of preseason for football and of course, the arrival of baby Alex.

Erika has been doing just fantastic. So far, an easy pregnancy for her (I have been having a hard time, put on some extra weight and my pants are making my butt look big), but she has been quite unhappy with having to give up the high heels and her cool clothes.

I have decided that this will be my last press release, as I think I am going to start a blog about an insane man who decides to have his first child at 52 years old. It will be full of laughter (seeing my  boy smile for the first time), tears (me changing my first diaper) and stories of how cool it is to finally get my chance to raise a good human being. Details of the blog site to follow sometime in the next few months